Y’all…

I simply can’t believe it’s been 2 whole years since D-day with my daughter!! Talk about flying by {Also, talk about wondering if you’d ever sleep again, lol!}

Here are my thoughts on being a mommy 2 years in. It’s a bit different than my 1 Year as a Mama reflection.

Momming is Hard

For some reason, this fact didn’t manage to hit me squarely in the face til this year. After the 1st year of mommy highs (& unreal challenges haha), the reality started to set in: This is my new life.

It’s no longer monthly milestone photoshoots & special 1st birthday parties! It’s realizing my life of spontaneity with my hubby (including traveling, exercising, & fun outings!) has been replaced by responsibilities that can feel heavy.

The sooner I grasped this “death” of my old life — the freewheeling newlywed with big dreams & tons of freedom haha — the sooner I’ve been able to come to grips with my new life & focus on trying to meet my & my family’s needs in this NEW season.

For awhile, I just gave up trying to do the things I love. My work, exercise regimen, social life, devotion time, & writing all took a major backseat to my child. I felt overwhelmed after Abigail turned 1 (strangely) because I realized life would never be the same… {Why did this take a whole year to sink in? Lol!}

To Everything There is a Season

Yet now that she’s 2, I realize how quickly seasons change with a young one! I’m now able to incorporate Abigail into exercise in ways that are simply harder with a small baby — like taking her biking in a trailer or letting her run around the park near me with some freedom! 🙂

I’ve been letting her sit with me as I read the Bible/do my devotions {or nearby if she’s too wiggly} — or as my hubby & I have our QT on the patio overlooking the water.

In recent months, I’ve amped up playdates & mommy outings because my daughter is able to keep up with other kids & doesn’t need as much home time as she once did. I can shuffle her sleep schedule around a bit more, too, now that she’s older, which is a major relief.

My husband & I are also realizing the value of mommy getting time to myself each week — so I can start working & writing more! I’ve begun dreaming of doing creative work again… something that’s always filled my cup & brought a lot of joy to my life & also part of God’s call on my life. So we’ve decided it’s time to hire outside help for this, & let me tell you Mommy is elated!

The best part is that my daughter THRIVES with these new activities in her life, with each day outing, each new playdate (oh, how she loves people!), & spending time with several caretakers besides mommy & daddy. These little freedoms are vital to her well-being {& ours}!

I’m taking the pressure off me to meet her every need & spreading it to those we love & trust. And it’s been a great thing. It’s also been hard to be away from her, but the more I see her come alive, the easier it becomes to let go a little more.

Perhaps God made the first couple years of a child’s life very mommy- & home-intensive because He knows that’s where young babies thrive BEST. But guess what? That sweet, precious time with your kids focusing solely on Y O U comes to an end. It’s not that they don’t need us anymore, but I don’t think it’ll ever be as intense as those first 2 foundational, round-the-clock years!!

This fact both saddens me & makes me happy. To everything there is a season.

Fellow mommies of toddlers, rest assured that pouring out your life into your little ones will reap dividends that are far-reaching beyond what you could ever imagine!! And that time is so SWEET ~ it is not forever & it passes by much faster than you can fathom! So try to enjoy the chaos & take little mommy breaks every week (& mini ones during the day!) so you don’t burn out & have nothing left to give them, your husband, or anyone else.

Mommy Needs {Many} Breaks

It’s not normal for us to fall apart as Moms. It’s unhealthy. Yes, we may be surrounded by Supermoms who juggle it all solo, but please believe they may be teetering on the brink in some area of their life because they don’t ask for help. Us mommies need it! And that’s very good to admit 🙂

I don’t think anyone is designed to do such a monumental task — parenting — alone. Some of us may believe we can “do it all”, but the reality is that every mom has her breaking point & we can’t do ALL the things well.

I think many of us moms are overwhelmed because we see R&R as a “luxury”, not a necessity. But even the God of the universe rests every week, so us mommies need it all the more!

We must learn to outsource & delegate things! If that means a maid every 1-2 months to deep-clean our home, buying a Roomba (!), hiring lawn care, or putting our child in a friendly preschool 2x a week — we must do what we need to thrive so our families can, too.

I’m learning that Mommy breaks don’t typically just “happen” — I must ask for them without apology & often plan them in advance.

I’ve had a hard time with this these past 2 years simply because I didn’t know who to ask for help. Many in my family are crazy busy, so I didn’t want to ask them. My closest friends are either in Texas or have full-time jobs/are full-time mommies such as myself here in Florida. Nearly everyone’s got a lot going on!

So what have I learned to do? A few things:

1. Rely on Daddy when he comes home (YAY!!)
2. HIRE HELP. It’s not easy due to our budget, but even getting 1/2 a day off every month (or so) gives me much-needed room to breathe as a mom. It’s also a major blessing to my daughter, who happens to LOVE people & enjoy new experiences! I believe at a certain age, it’s also not only developmentally appropriate but necessary for our kids to have small doses of time with people besides us so they get used to living in a world bigger than M&D.
3. Our & Abigail’s favorite: Her grandparents (when they’re available & feeling up to it)!! What a HUGE blessing to live near both sets of our parents, & Abby ADORES them! ♥

People’s Thoughts on My Parenting Matter {Much} Less than His

This can be hard because people have a lot of opinions 😉 And yes, I do believe there’s a right & wrong way to parent — to an extent. There are biblical guidelines for raising up God-fearing humans, so we should find scriptures that support our concerns & approach people with a spirit of love if we believe they’re missing the mark with their kids.

But beyond that, God gives us a lot of freedom — as He always does! He isn’t micromanaging our every parenting move, so don’t worry if someone in your life tries to be your judge & jury. You don’t answer to them.

There are tons of reasons why Christian women make their choices, but I think we must all seek what’s best FOR OUR FAMILY & for each of OUR kids! We must pray & be in agreement with our husbands/baby daddies in how we’re raising them. Come to a place of agreement with them — pray — seek scripture & God’s leading. And go with your gut/your Holy Spirit instincts when they arise.

And when others judge your parenting choices? Forgive & move on! We mommies truly don’t have time to waste our precious time, energy & thoughts on meeting other people’s expectations of us. We must simply do our best & ask God for grace to LOVE our kids every day!! 

Also, kindly remember: You will be judged by the measure you use to judge others. So if you’re harshly critiquing other mommies, please expect the same in return 😉 It’s a spiritual law, & we reap what we sow. So extend grace because as a fellow mom, you know you’re gonna need it yourself soon! It also helps to give other people the benefit of the doubt. They may be more focused on YOUR opinions of them to give your parenting choices much thought anyway.

Pray for moms who struggle with being judgmental. It’s obviously a mega issue in mommy circles, so when you hear someone criticizing another (or you), ask the Lord to free her from condemnation so she can be the awesome mom He made her to be!

Look for the 3rd Choice

I heard this quote years ago & love it {via our former pastor Ross Parsley}. It’s a great life philosophy & one I like to consider when making decisions:

The art of creative decision-making means looking for “the 3rd way”. People frequently offer us a false dichotomy in life — inaccurately showing you only 2 choices that pin you between a rock & a hard place. They often fail to see that life has many options!! We just have to think outside the box… or perhaps compromise 1 of our staunch positions to arrive at a better choice.

Always look for the 3rd way, mommies! You don’t have to be ALL “stay at home mom” or ALL “working mom” to lead a successful life & be a faithful mother 🙂 You can in fact be half & half — perhaps work part-time outside the home or even full-time FROM home with a nanny. Or what about working part-time from home while your kids nap? You could also swap babysitting days with a friend/neighbor/family member who works from home part-time, too! You could even do a mixture of all of the above.

You can breastfeed & bottle-feed! You can give your kids breastmilk & formula! You don’t have to be 100% all-or-nothing. You can wake with your kids in the middle of the night, & you can have daddy do it sometimes, too.

You kids can be homeschooled & in private school! There’s this brilliant concept called a “hybrid homeschool” created decades ago by some awesome Christians in Texas who saw the need for a compromise between the two. Private school is often pricey for families, while the task of full-time homeschooling can be daunting & present other challenges. With a hybrid homeschool, your kids are in private school half the time & at home with YOU learning the other half! You’re able to take an active role in their education without feeling the weight of it squarely on your shoulders (whew!), take advantage of the school’s network & resources/discounts, save money, give yourself a break, & let your kids learn alongside other kids each week.

Isn’t that cool that you don’t have to choose 1 or the other? You can choose BOTH. There are a plethora of other ways we can be creative in parenting that are all wonderful!! It all boils down to what you & your spouse feel is best for YOUR kids & their unique selves.

In motherhood, remember there is almost ALWAYS a 3rd choice. Pray for wisdom & ask God to open your eyes to new possibilities you may not have considered! 😀

For more, here is Part 2 of my “2 Years as Mama” Journey!