“Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

~Hebrews 10:24-25

Community is essential to our well-being as Christians. Fellowship isn’t a “nice to have” ~ it’s a must-have in the believer’s life! Yet it’s easy to live life apart from the influence of others. I’m guilty of this, & I think much of American Christianity emphasizes the “me” behind every sermon & Scripture instead of the “we”.

Yet how can we operate as one Body if we don’t ever connect? This needs to change! New Testament Christianity is allll about doing life together! (Exhibit A: Jesus & His 12 constant companions). Here are some big reasons why.

The Risks of Living Life Separately

When we don’t have community, here’s what I’ve found happens, in my life & others’:

1. The enemy attacks. The cliché is true: Predators stalk prey by isolating them & getting them “away from the pack”, then hunting them down. It’s much easier to attack a lone ranger than the MIDDLE of the herd!
2. Our thoughts run wild. God designed us to be in close connection with others, not alone in our heads or silent for days at a time. After too much time alone, we can become negative, cynical & distant from people we need in our lives (& who need us!).
3. We become more selfish. Ouch, I know. But when we’re alone, we focus on our own needs & begin to see ourselves as “individuals”, separate from the pack & our community. Proverbs 18:1 says, “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.” Nuff said.
4. We feel down on ourselves. After all, you & I are made for connection, & when it’s not happening, we start to think something’s wrong with us. We begin believing lies that no one wants to be around us or that we’re not useful. This isn’t true; we are very valuable & useful to the Kingdom of God ~ but we simply CAN’T exercise our “gifts” in total separation from others!!
5. Our closest relationships struggle. When we’re not connecting with people we need in our lives, we experience a relational void & put pressure on other people (like our spouse) to be all things to us. But he or she is simply not designed to be your fishing buddy or your best girl friend 😉 Only a friend can fill that role! When we invest in a variety of relationships — marriage/kids, extended family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, fellow church members, etc — we develop a healthy life balance & relieve pressure on our besties or spouses to be our everything.
6. We lose accountability & fall prey to our weaknesses. This is SUCH a huge reason why we need each other. Secrets flourish in the dark. My mom used to say, “Satan loves a secret!” haha 🙂 He wants us to hide our struggles & our sins, but James 5:16 says, “Confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed.” Our old pastor Ross Parsley used to say, “In God’s church, no one has to suffer from their greatest weakness because our combined strengths fill in the gaps of each of our weaknesses” (OK that was a paraphrase, lol!). But when we’re alone, it’s just us & our lopsided selves. There are lots of verses on the importance of “Christ’s body” working as one together, everyone using their giftings to benefit each other. We need others to confess our struggles to, to balance out our weaknesses, & to help them balance out theirs.
7. We don’t grow. Iron can’t sharpen iron when it isn’t there to grind against — & challenge our weaknesses. Alone we’ll simply remain immature, childish believers. I know, this is a truth that I need to hear, too! 🙂 It’s easy to be “mature” from the privacy of our bedroom (lol!), yet when faced with the daily sacrifices & potential irritations of being in close proximity with others, our character is shaped & formed (sometimes painfully, & sometimes through the joy of togetherness!).
8. We get discouraged. Godly fellowship is vital to our encouragement. Hebrews 10 above says, “Consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another…” Other Christians can encourage us towards love & good deeds, & we can encourage each other as we meet together!! No meeting, no opportunity for encouragement. No fellowship, no one to spur you & I on to do good things.
9. We lose sight of our purpose. After all, our gifts were given to us by the Lord to bless others! When we’re alone, we have these strange tools in our hands that don’t make sense to us or do us much good. I love to connect people with each other & improve their lives, but that’s hard to do when I’m always by myself! In a semi-silly example, I had an epiphany years ago about a “gift” God gave me. People have often told me that I have a beautiful smile, & one day I realized: My smile is to bless OTHERS, not myself (cuz of course I can’t see my own smile, lol)! What a simple yet transformative way to view ourselves & our gifts, but it can be lost on us when we live apart from each other. We may even begin believing our gifts are about ourselves!

Can you see why the enemy wants us to STOP MEETING TOGETHER? He knows the power of when “2 or 3 are gathered in Jesus’s name.” He knows the power of Christian unity & agreement, and He wants to keep us on our own so we’re powerless & ineffective, trapped in our sins, targets for temptation & attacks, discouraged, & not using our gifts to benefit other people.

When we withhold our gifts from the Body, other people also suffer because they need what we have to give. Our old pastor used to say, “A stagnant stream is toxic — nothing flows into it & nothing can flow out of it. It just accumulates toxins, & it can’t support life because nothing can grow in stagnation (except algae).” Sounds like much of our Christian culture today 🙁

God made us believers to be “set apart” from the world — not “separated” from each other. IN the world, not OF it. But He most certainly said IN!

This is such an easy trap to fall into. I thought for years that being able to stand alone was a holy thing (& it can be), but what gives us strength & power to stand up against the crowd? A strong posse in our lives who loves & encourages us to be bold!

Isolation is Increasing!

American culture & technology have made it ridiculously easy to be self-sufficient & never leave your house / have to interact with others! You can work remotely, attend virtual group meetings, buy groceries on an app then delivered to your door, pay all your bills online, stream movies & TV shows, call / text / post on people’s social media accounts without ever seeing their faces, or even get “FaceTime” with them without either of you leaving your house!

You can attend church, go to live-streaming conferences, get paired with people on dating apps, rent cars (like on Turo.com) or stay in stranger’s homes (via Airbnb), deposit money in the bank, & do a plethora of other daily life tasks without ever conversing in person with another human being.

Technology has completely transformed how we connect, communicate, work, buy, & live. Shopping malls are having to re-think their purpose & function because of the incredible ease & convenience of Amazon & online shopping! Major retailers are closing. People are hiring meal-planning & personal-shopping companies & having them ship customized dinners / outfits to their doors by filling out an online profile (not talking with another human!). Businesses are hiring “Virtual assistants” & remote workers (which I have been) instead of real-life ones. Lifestyle bloggers abound.

People we’ve never met are influencing us & changing our lives via social media & the magic of the internet. It’s amazing & something I LOVE & take advantage of — but it also presents unique challenges no culture before ours has ever had to face.

Life has drastically changed, making it harder to “meet” people IRL :). As God’s kids however, He wants us to live differently & be intentional about pursuing community, even though our culture is at odds with us.

We’re called to be countercultural, & the church could NOT be more vital in times like these!

Compelling Reasons to Join a Church Family

God’s church is His solution for real community. Yes, it can be messy at times. We can get hurt. I KNOW I have, but life is much harder alone (or in the world!). Trust me.

We’re imperfect, leadership is imperfect, & other church people are imperfect… but we need the church. Life is much better together.

If you’re single…

Church is an incredible place to meet like-minded people. Bars & nightclubs are the world’s solution to this & are one of the dominant social scenes for meeting single people, but it doesn’t have good odds of helping you find someone who’s on the same page as you. The church is an excellent solution! You can find like-minded people & real purpose there, even when you feel you have no real family of your own (yet).

If you’re new to a city…

The church is INVALUABLE to you! You can literally move cross-country one week, & that same weekend walk into a building to find hundreds of like-minded people who share your top goals: Being closer to God & His people. It’s like plugging into the best local family, no matter where you are.

When you’re traveling…

You can enrich your experience of a particular city by attending church there! When my husband & I visited Charleston last year, we visited a beautiful local church, & it was one of the coolest experiences we had on our trip. Visiting His local church & SEEING how He’s moving there is a great way to grasp what God’s doing in a particular city. We experienced a new church culture & talked to a few people 🙂 We even got prayer, which blessed our family greatly. This is one way to encounter God in a unique place & group of people & stretch your understanding of “the church”. Try it sometime! 🙂

If you’re lonely…

One Bible verse says, “God sets the lonely in families” (and not just your blood family). You may not have a big family or connect well with yours, but guess what? YOU HAVE ANOTHER FAMILY (& it’s huge). God is our Father, & His family is always within reach. He made you & I part of it when we gave our lives to Him. So we must quit acting like orphans all alone in the world — that’s a lie to keep us isolated. {Speaking to myself here, too!}

When we join a church family, an amazing thing happens! It’s totally supernatural. I’ve experienced it at every church I’ve really invested myself in. You start to feel like family. You care for each other, pray & give & serve & love each other, & feel such a close bond — even when you’ve only been there weeks or months! Yet you feel like you’ve known each other for years. I believe it’s the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit, unity found in worshipping in one Spirit together. It’s one of the coolest things about the church!

My hubby & I moved back to Florida & joined a brand-new church 2.5 years ago, then had our daughter a few months later. Yet do you know that many of these wonderful women celebrated our baby girl at our baby shower… gave us meals when she was first born… & blessed us with beautiful gifts in her honor? They hardly knew us, yet they loved us like family. This blessed my heart so much, especially at such a pivotal time in our lives, because I was sad to leave my Texas besties & raise our baby girl apart from them!!

Take Your Place in God’s Family

God wants you to join His family (& not just online / on Christmas & Easter). He wants you to experience His love through His people in your regular life. WILL YOU LET HIM? Your life will be blessed so much by it, & your joy will be full! But you must invest in your local church body.

I am convinced some of our biggest breakthroughs will happen once we re-connect with God’s people! Here are some promises from Scripture on life in community with other believers (some I already mentioned):

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” ~Galatians 6:2

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”  ~James 5:16

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” ~Proverbs 17:17

“Where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” ~Matthew 18:20

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” ~Proverbs 27:17

“I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong—that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith.” ~Romans 1:11-12

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” ~Eccl. 4:9-12