When attending the Focus Leadership Institute at age 22, I took a Marriage & Family class that made a profound impact on me. One day our professors split the class into guys & girls and gave us this assignment: List the most important quality you should look for in a future spouse.

We loved this activity! Both lists were long, hilarious, and even super-spiritual… but when all was said & done, our professors told us one attribute stood apart from the rest:

Are they teachable?

Our professors reasoned that, though many qualities were worth seeking in a husband/wife, teachability was paramount because it enables your spouse to develop EVERY other trait in their lifetime. But without a teachable spirit, such growth would be limited (if not impossible).  

Wow. What a profound lesson to teach a young woman beginning her journey towards marriage (and growing in her own character!). This made such an impact on my impressionable young self. Right then & there I prayed — Lord, help my future husband to have a teachable spirit. Help him to be willing to listen to counsel and grow into the man You created him to be.

And you know what? God sure answered my prayer!

My Amazing Husband

Since marrying Brian 5 years ago, the Holy Spirit has repeatedly highlighted his tremendously humble, teachable attitude to me. To know Brian is to love him, and many who’ve met him (even for brief periods of time) have commented on what a GREAT man he is. He has such an awesome. loving spirit about him — confident in his gifts & abilities, yet open to those of others.

For awhile I wondered what Brian’s “secret” was, and today I believe it’s largely his willingness to listen to others and take into account their knowledge & wisdom. He doesn’t think he has all the answers. He acknowledges others’ expertise, while also recognizing & sharing his own.

Our Texas pastor Ross Parsley once said (paraphrased), Don’t trust a leader who doesn’t follow others and isn’t under authority. His words remind me of Brian, someone I believe God is developing into a great leader because he is so willing to humbly submit to godly leadership in his own life. As his wife, this trait makes it so much easier to trust in Brian’s leadership because I know he isn’t a “one man show” — he’s got godly people speaking into & influencing his life (& he listens)!

I’ve watched in awe as Brian’s friends, family, bosses/coworkers, pastors, & even me have spoken wisdom into his life and not only has he listened to it but also put it into action! True wisdom, after all, is applied knowledge.

I’ve marveled at his openness to receive others’ advice and his propensity to immediately incorporate their feedback. Like, that same day! Many times he does so the very moment he has opportunity to, like when we get home from church and he starts acting on that day’s message or when I suggest an idea and he jumps up to do it. Simply amazing. I’d never met such a person before! [Of course he doesn’t go along with every suggestion, but when given sage advice, he doesn’t tend to sit on it long!]

I believe he’s grown so much in marriage and in life because of the simple fact that he is teachable.  He’s so willing to learn from the people around him, and the fruit is evident in his life — he’s remarkably wise & mature for his age!

What Happens When We Aren’t Teachable?

One other reason I believe God’s shown me this trait in my husband has been to correct my own stubbornness. I’ve had seasons in my life when I didn’t listen well to the people God’s put in my path or even He Himself because I didn’t know what He was doing. Needless to say, the times I dug in my heels and dismissed the Holy Spirit’s counsel (or that of godly friends & family) have ended in heartache, life delays, and struggles. It’s made me lament (as Proverbs 5 says),

You will say, ‘How I hated discipline!
    If only I had not ignored all the warnings!
Oh, why didn’t I listen to my teachers?
    Why didn’t I pay attention to my instructors?‘

What else does scripture say about being stubborn / rebellious?

A rebellious man seeks only evil; therefore a cruel messenger will be sent against him. -Proverbs 17

The people I know who are the least teachable are often those who struggle most. They refuse advice and correction, so I sadly watch them ride the same merry-go-round over and over. They never seem to learn, grow, change. They repeatedly suffer in the same areas of their lives (as do those around them) because they won’t heed godly counsel. As a result, they tend to listen only when a “cruel messenger” such as debt, divorce, or illness comes their way.

It sounds harsh, but when the Lord tries to lovingly correct us and we refuse it, we eventually reap what we’ve sown. In His mercy, God may allow consequences to be our teacher — but please note His way is gentleness, not cruelty. Our own stubbornness is what opens us up to the hardest teacher — life — NOT God’s gentle nudges. It’s so much better to accept His guidance upfront than to experience the undesireable outcomes He was trying to spare us from later.

Experience is NOT the best teacher — wisdom is! Wise people listen first and don’t wait for life to correct them — they listen to the Bible & other godly people & avoid many unpleasant life ‘experiences’.

A prudent man foresees the difficulties ahead and prepares for them; the simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences. -Proverbs 22

Let’s not be such people. Let’s listen to this and learn:

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
    I will counsel you with My loving eye on you.
Do not be like the horse or the mule,
    which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
    or they will not come to you.
Many are the woes of the wicked,
    but the Lord’s unfailing love
    surrounds the one who trusts in Him.

– Psalm 32

What Does a “Teachable Spirit” Look Like?

God wants you and I to be teachable. This trait asks several things of us:

1. HUMILITY. We won’t have ‘ears to hear’ what the Spirit is saying if we’re know-it-alls! We must admit our lack of understanding and our need for His guidance and others’. Scripture says, “Lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” But how can He straighten our path if we always think we know what it is? We must let go of our need to know what He’s doing in our lives and simply be obedient when He asks us to do (or not do) something. Our Father knows best.
2. SURRENDER. We must release our need for control. Yes, we want to rely on ourselves and choose our way. It’s comforting to make a plan and see it through, but if we’re obsessed with controlling our circumstances, we leave NO room for God to move on our behalf! We must surrender our desires & plans for His by relinquishing control.
3. OPENNESS. Open your heart to God’s unique way of speaking and directing you. In my life and in many biblical stories, He uses people & methods we’d never expect to get His message across. It can come at the most unexpected times and in the most interesting ways! Be open to accepting counsel from people you may not think He can use (children, strangers, etc). If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s not to discount God’s ability to use anyone — He can speak through a donkey or even a “non-Christian” if need be, so never dismiss someone! He’s spoken to me through so many unique ways and unexpected people. Be open to listening & set your judgments aside!

QUIZ: HOW TEACHABLE ARE YOU?

Ask yourself these questions & own the answers! 🙂 Better yet, ask your spouse/friend/family member these & give them permission to be honest [That’s a true test of teachability right there!]

1. Are people afraid to confront me about issues in my life?
2. When people correct me, do I reject it or consider their words (no matter how poor the delivery)?
3. Is it often My Way or the Highway?
4. Does God often have to repeat a lesson in my life before I “get” it?
5. Have others told me I am stubborn, difficult, or resistant to change?
6. Have I received warnings from the Lord/others, ignored them, and then experienced the consequences?
7. Do I welcome (even solicit) people’s advice, feedback, ideas & thoughts on my life?
8. Do I make decisions on my own or invite others into the process?
9. With challenges, do I take matters into my own hands or pray for God’s help & seek that of others?
10. Am I proud of my knowledge/intelligence? Do I think I’m smarter or more spiritual than others & discount their input?

If you find yourself scoring high on the “Non Teachable” side, ask God to forgive your pride then invite Him to help you become a more teachable person. The truth is, we can all be unteachable at times, but God can use every one of us when we’re willing to humble ourselves and receive His guidance. All it takes is admitting our need & looking to Him, our very present help in time of need!

Who knows the amazing changes He’ll be able to make in our lives when we say “Yes” to Him and embrace His gentle corrections.

My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord,
Nor detest His correction;
For whom the Lord loves He corrects,
Just as a father the son in whom he delights.

Happy is the man who finds wisdom,
And the man who gains understanding;
For her proceeds are better than the profits of silver,
And her gain than fine gold.
She is more precious than rubies,
And all the things you may desire cannot compare with her.
Length of days is in her right hand,
In her left hand riches and honor.
Her ways are ways of pleasantness,
And all her paths are peace.
She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her,
And happy are all who retain her.

— Proverbs 3