Lord, let us encourage each other to achieve the dreams you give us individually and jointly.

-Ron Edmondson, 10 Great Prayers for Every Marriage

Hi there! First off, happy October!! Texas weather has started taking a turn for the best, with cooler mornings and leaves turning shades. Helloooo autumn!

So today and in recent weeks, I’ve been mulling over this concept of how we can help our spouses realize their potential. Do we realize that marriage is more than about being happy and helping each other “get through life”? (Wow, what a small vision for our marriages!)

As your spouse’s closest friend, confidante, and live-in partner, you have an up close & personal view of their life. You see what they may hide from others. You know their strengths & weaknesses all too well — and you’re privy to their heart’s desires.

As a wife, I have unique insight into my wonderful husband’s gifts and talents. I believe God designed it this way — that he & I could be powerful seers into each other’s lives & call out the gifts we notice on display there. We must pay attention to the seeds of greatness we notice starting to form tiny buds in our husband or wife’s life. And what greater way to encourage and build each other up than to SHARE what we see WITH our spouses?!

In many ways, when our spouse realizes their potential, so can we. It’s like climbing a mountain together. You’ve got each other’s backs, sharing resources, help, and encouragement all the way up. But you also wait patiently for the other when they need time to catch their breath, and you’re there to help should they stumble or get injured. And you’re most certainly there with them when they reach the top!

Not sure how to “call out your spouse’s potential” and help them realize their dreams? Here are some practical ideas. I hope you’ll get started on this TODAY 🙂

How to Help Your Spouse Develop Their Gifts

1. Spend time with them. There’s simply no way around it — to truly know & love a person and especially to encourage them to develop their God-given gifts, we must be with them. Quality and quantity time is important. Don’t shortcircuit this. Your spouse is a fascinating person and moreso, a glimpse of our Creator that no other person on earth can quite give the world. Realize this. Realize you are, too. This makes valuing other people and the person God gave you so much easier when you realize they have so much to teach you & offer the world!!
2. Pay attention. Every day your spouse gives clues about what motivates them, what their gifts are, what they care about most, and what makes them come alive. Don’t be so caught up in your own world that you fail to notice the person God put in your life — not only for your benefit but also theirs.
3. Pray for insight! This is not a task you have to accomplish alone. Ask God for His eyes to see your spouse… how did He create them? What greatness have they yet to see in themselves? What areas do they need encouragement in? After all — once your spouse realizes their gifts and begins taking steps to develop them, the world around y’all will become a better place!
4. Truly listen to what they talk about. And read about. What draws them to people — the common bonds they share with others? What shows are they interested in? What do they fill up their free time doing? Our passions are no accident! What’s the common thread in their life? My husband has a heart to teach others, and I think God is and plans to continue developing this in him. He’s always learning new things and wanting to put them into practice immediately (like THAT DAY) — then share his knowledge with others. What a cool gift! And one with so many applications and future possibilities to help others while doing what he loves 🙂
5. LOVE AND CHERISH their heart. I’m guilty of {playfully} poking fun at the funny things my husband does sometimes. While I don’t understand his passion for guns and self-defense, for instance, I realize that this ties into a much deeper side of Brian: his heart of loyalty to take care of himself, his family, and defend the rights of others. Once I recognize this about him, I can be more attuned to OTHER things he may enjoy and encourage him to develop this passion of his further!
6. Don’t treat (or think of) them with contempt. Your spouse isn’t perfect. Neither are you. This is okay. But we mustn’t allow occasional frustrations or our familiarity with them to blind us to the potential in our husband or wife. What drew you to them in the first place? Make a list if you must — remember the many good times you’ve had with them and the ways they bless your life and those of the people around you.
7. Praise them! Likely one of the most important steps, you must SPEAK of the things you see in them. “Call out” their gifts. Tell others about them. Share it with their family because likely, they’ve noticed these gifts in your spouse, too. Encourage them to use each gift often. Brainstorm ideas and ways they can do so — and maybe even monetize such gifts (or make a business around them)! There’s nothing wrong with profiting from your passions. In fact, I’d say this is what being a good steward is all about! When you earn money from using your gifts, you’ll likely do a better job and benefit more of the people around you… plus it becomes a sustainable venture! Instead of you having to use your gifts “in your free time” (which isn’t often), you can center your work around what you do best — and MORE people will benefit from who God made you to be.
8. Celebrate who they are — often. Point out their successes. Remind them if they ever start to doubt that they have such a gift. Also encourage them that NO ONE starts out as an expert at anything, and that you don’t have to be “the best” in the world to bless the lives of others.

My wholehearted conviction is that we, as our spouse’s #1 fan, may hold some very big keys to our husband or wife becoming all they were meant to be. What did God say about Adam in the garden?

It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.

~Genesis 2

Why? Apparently Adam needed EVE’S HELP. Some people have minimized a wife’s role to domestic tasks and birthing babies, but I believe throughout Scripture there are way too many examples of wives helping (or hindering) their husband’s success through their influence. We must must must have the mindset that we are here to help our spouse become who God created them to be:

• Spiritually
• Professionally
• Integrity-wise
• Socially
• Financially
• Familially (is this a word?) 😉

I’ve witnessed many good guys become GREAT when the responsibilities of husband and father were laid upon them. Commitment and built-in accountability chisel many good guys into great men… and so does the dedication of a wife who wants to build up her man, not tear him down.

Husbands, you share a vital role in your wife’s development, too! I can’t tell you how many times Brian has said something to me — or about me — that has changed my perspective and clarified my purpose. Without his input, I’d frequently struggle with limited vision and discouragement about things in my life.

You hold the key to your spouse’s future. Will you help them unlock it?