So… the enemy has a very sneaky tactic he tries to weave into our relationships. I was just talking with a friend a couple nights ago about this. What is it? My husband calls it “Divide & conquer”.

We fight with others. We bicker. We think angry thoughts. We think we’re winning this war and say, I’ll show him! 

But do we even realize what the real problem is here?

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

~Ephesians 6

We’re fighting the wrong enemy!! Our battles are fleshly… yet God said in His word that we are barking up the wrong tree. No wonder so many couples & families never find resolution to their battles: They’re trying to one-up each other instead of realizing THEY ARE ONE. They need to UNITE, not FIGHT. Oh man, though, what a hard thing to put into practice each day…

The deal is this: Our enemy is smart. He knows how to taunt us into a fight. He pokes our wounds, pushes our buttons, & plays on our fears. When we react emotionally to the misdeeds of our loved ones, coworkers, or neighbors, we’ve already halfway lost the war.

Why? Because it was never about them anyway. It never has been. We have to look beyond the humanity in front of us and engage the spirit realm. We must fight the battle in prayer BEFORE we ever open our mouths. We must also ARREST our thoughts & tongues from thinking & speaking words that would only fuel the fire.

But. It’s SO HARD.

I so KNOW. But we have a choice with each provocation we face: Will we be willing to “lose” a battle so that we can “win” the war {with our true enemy}? Or will we keep getting drawn into arguments with the ones we’re supposed to be working WITH?

This requires getting a handle on our hurts & the “why’s” behind our emotional triggers AHEAD OF TIME. We can’t wait til we’re in the heat of the moment, licking old wounds, to make a wise decision. We need to be proactive with our ‘hot buttons’.

Then – once we are emotionally clear & can see the situation level-headedly – we’ll realize there is a very real enemy behind our frustrations and know who to attack. When we recognize our true enemy, we’ll be more likely to bite our tongues with others, extend forgiveness when necessary, & ask for it from others (that’s hard!). These tactics are the best firehose to douse hell’s flames. They’re more effective than our best one-liners ever could be 🙂

A soft answer turns away wrath,
    but a harsh word stirs up anger.
The tongue of the wise commends knowledge,
    but the mouths of fools pour out folly.

~Prov. 15

So what do we do? For starters, here’s a great prayer to pray:

Lord, please help me to see the real enemy in this situation. Help me not to attack people & instead engage my true enemy. Give me eyes to see & ears to hear. Help me to not be “easily provoked”.

Biblically, here is a good solution:

Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.  For

“Whoever desires to love life
    and see good days,
let him keep his tongue from evil
    and his lips from speaking deceit;
let him turn away from evil and do good;
    let him seek peace and pursue it.
For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
    and his ears are open to their prayer.
But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

~1 Peter 3