I’ve watched many friendships die because of a competitive spirit.

Why?

Because sometime after college, a lot of friendships changed from openness to “Show and Tell”.  The distance between us made close friends into acquaintances.  Our lives became busier, with fewer phone calls and less “face time”.

With passing time, Facebook confirmed our suspicions: old friends are taking separate roads.  Alternate lifestyles, divergent career paths, new interests, weddings and childbirth.  Former strong believers fell off the wagon and God haters jumped on.  The reality of our friendships became clear: many were merely circumstantial, conditional.

This rude awakening hurts.  Maybe that’s why we call the shift from school years to work life the ‘real world’.  During this shift, the reaction of many is to withdraw in isolation or shallowness.  Other people cling to dead relationships, in denial.  Still others muster up all their strength and ‘discipline’ to becoming the best they can be.  They hope in the process of proving themselves, that they will earn love.  No one I know goes through this period of time with a fully-intact heart.

Scripture talks about this.  It says that in the last days, the love of many will grow cold.  Why?

Because of ever-increasing wickedness.

Is that what we’re experiencing?  Do people begin lashing out, shutting down, or changing from caring to competitive because our world’s becoming more wicked and self-centered?

As we collect years, love seems to be in shorter supply.  We experience hurt with people, so we resort to competitive tactics to satisfy our hunger to be loved.  Many disguise these tactics in career pursuits, a great marriage, wonderful ‘obedient’ children, the perfect pie, impressive amounts of money, church attendance and abstaining from pleasures, looking beautiful 24/7 — all in an attempt to earn love.

But by definition, love isn’t acquired by earning.  It isn’t had by how outstanding your performance at work is or how toned your abs are.  Ladies — it isn’t because you’re effortlessly beautiful (is anyone?) or because you don’t have cellulite (that they know of ) ;).

Those who don’t fall into the competitive trap are in one of two categories: those who believe they can’t measure up so they stop trying to prove they can… and the few who rest in the assurance they are loved already.  Loved already?  But by who, if not someone in the world?

Whether we step up to the plate and compete with others for love or believe we’ll never hit the mark and give up, both instances indicate our love is growing cold.  We are more concerned about earning love than giving it.  And so we go round and round.  The cycle perpetuates itself.

But what we fail to grasp is that there isn’t a limited supply of love!  There is BOUNTIFUL love, overflowing from the rafters.  However, this love isn’t found in the world.  When we seek the world’s applause, we must compete because the world only likes winners.  And to win, someone must lose.  Actually, many someones.

But in God’s world, love knows no limits.  Our faults only position us to receive more of His love!  We’d never fear that we’re unlovable unless we recognize that we have unlovable parts, so embracing our failure can lead us to discovering true love in God!

The truth is, love can only come from two places: inside the world or outside it.  Our life experience looks like this: We see our failures.  We experience the world’s rejection because of them.  We then have a choice: to stay on the world’s never-ending treadmill, to withdraw in despair at never measuring up, or to seek another Source of love outside the applause of man.

Once we stop going to the world as our source of confidence and affirmation, we can truly begin living.  Freely!  And our love will not grow cold.  It will thrive regardless — shining in an otherwise hate-filled world.

Jesus, thank You for saving us!!  From our common enemy, from our dark and cold world, from each other, and from ourselves.  You are our only hope for love, and the only way we can love others without condition.  Thank You for what You’ve done!